Day 33: DIY my way #3

I spent some time this afternoon sorting out some photos and putting them in albums. It's an affordable form of ice-breaker and entertainment.

Day 34: On The Outfit

I'm not sure if I come across to people as someone who would love to get married in a dramatic puffy gown. You know, the full skirt, long train, crystals and beading. The kind which will cost you an arm and a leg.

Most brides would easily spend a few thousand dollars on getting a wedding dress. One which they'd wear once and then keep in the cupboard for the rest of their lives. I'd rather spend that money on food, decoration and honeymoon.

While still on the search for a wedding dress, Z gave me some advice. She said I'm the type who suit classic styles and nothing too avant-garde. She is quite right, because any overly complicated dress would overwhelm my small frame and make me look literally "larger than life".

I was quite lucky because I roughly knew what could work for me when I went to a few small boutiques to try dresses on. I found something I quite like at Lavender, along Stamford Road, and the price was quite affordable too. But unfortunately, the seamstress went on maternity leave and wasn't able to tailor a dress for me.

Well this turned out to be a blessing in disguise. While continuing the search in the UK, I chanced upon a dress on the sale rack last Christmas, in the evening gown section of a departmental store.

The fit was perfect and was exactly what I'd wanted - something streamlined which wouldn't add bulk to my frame. It had some beading and quite an unusual design at the back. But all in all, it was a simple dress fit for an outdoor ceremony.

The hems of the long dress were quite black with dirt because I imagined it had been hung on the rail for quite some time. But I took one look at the price tag and decided to get it. Even with the cost of alteration and dry-cleaning factored in, it would still work out to be a ridiculously good-value purchase. Perfect, in my opinion, for a dress which you'd only wear once.

Shoes, however, I am willing to splurge on. These would be more of an investment since you can wear them over and over again. I didn't have much luck finding any until May this year when I managed to get a great discount on Christian Louboutin shoes. 

So I held my breath and walked into the store in Takashimaya to see what was available and there there they were, in my size, as if waiting for me all this while.

I have absolutely no idea how I'd look with the hair, make-up, accessories, dress and shoes in place since it's bad luck to put on the full outfit before your wedding day.

The suspense is killing me and I just hope there will be no drama. At least not in a disastrous way.

Day 35: DIY my way #2

If you go to sites like Etsy where people sell their handmade crafts, you'd find loads of cute wedding items such as pretty calligraphy place cards and beautiful table number signs. Sadly, they can cost an arm and a leg, so I decided to make my own!

It may seem difficult but it really isn't. I mean, you don't even need any kind of design software or special craft products. All I used was Microsoft Word, glue and scotch-tape.

I first downloaded some cute fonts online, then did the layout in Word. Next, I got them printed at the professional printers and sliced them into the size I wanted. Then I used some ribbons to decorate them before sticking them down onto A5 hard cards.

Yes they may not look perfect, but they only cost me a fraction of what I'd have to pay to have them professionally made. Yes it took some time and effort to DIY but hey, I had fun making them!

Day 36: To change or not to change

A few people have asked if I'm going to change my surname after getting married. I have been thinking about it. 

But I don't want to become Mrs Hope because then everyone will think I'm white when they only see my name. I don't want to strip myself of my Asian surname and identity. 

Anyway, there's another major deterrent. You see, if I adopt R's surname, I will become Mrs C. Hope. Doesn't mean anything to you? How about this? Mrs Chope? 

Can you imagine all the jokes which I'll be bombarded with then? "Eh Mrs Chope, go and CHOPE that table leh!" or "Eh your name Chope, you must be very good at CHOPING hor?" 

So I think I'll settle with Mdm Chen. 

Day 37: Something blue

I went over to R's sister's place today for a small gathering to celebrate her husband's birthday. While all the guests were busy eating in the living room, I popped into the kitchen to ask if her if I could borrow something old from her which I could wear on my wedding day. 

"It's funny you should ask, I've been thinking about asking you if you needed to borrow something," she replied. So we went upstairs to the bedroom where she showed me her jewellery collection, including a vintage pearl necklace and a 40-year-old bracelet.

Traditionally, a bride should borrow something from a couple who has been happily married for a long time, so that their marital bliss will rub off on her. While I was still deciding over what to borrow, she remembered she had bought me "something blue", a lace garter with a cute blue ribbon. 

She explained to me that it's a tradition for brides to wear stockings, suspenders, garters when they get married. I knew about having something new, something old, something blue and something borrowed, but I had no idea about having to put on the raunchy underwear. 

It's all too bad for R. I think he'd only find me in my Triumph tummy reducing corset, available in a very unappealing nude shade and in the form of enormous aunty pants. 

Day 38: Honeymooning in Hanoi

Before deciding to go to Hanoi for our honeymoon, we thought of many other places to visit. The list included China, Italy, Greece, France and South Korea.

But with us already spending money on the wedding, regular flights back home, doing up the house etc, we wanted to head to somewhere affordable. It had to be exotic, somewhere we both haven't been before, and rich in history and culture.

So when Tiger Airways had their awesome sale, we bagged the return tickets for about S$200 each. And when I read up on Hanoi through Kenny and Gigi, I knew it would be just the kinda place I like.

The plan is to stay at a small simple hotel on the first night, get on a luxury overnight junk to cruise World Heritage site, Halong Bay, the next day and then come back to stay at the Intercontinental Hotel for three nights.

We have never been the sort of splurge on five-star accommodation when we travel but I think this time, we'll make an exception.

Afterall, how many times can you go on your honeymoon?

Day 39: Something's Gotta Give

STARRING

R. Hope as Groom

Born and bred in South Wales but moved to the United States in the 80s. Married an American girl and became a radio presenter. Moved back to the UK in the late 90s and trained to be a nurse. Works in an orthopaedic ward at the hospital. Hobbies include going to the gym, couch surfing, bargain hunting, travelling and reading up on military history.

C. Chen as Bride

Left Singapore for Wales in pursuit of a job and her happiness. Currently develops a youth website for the government. Enjoys cleaning, tidying, nagging, organising, cooking, baking and blogging!

A. Tan as Best Man
Bride's cousin. He was the toddler in the bathtub when his Grandma had to go to the rescue of the bride when she smeared her eyes with chilli at aged 5. Played toy soldiers and He-Man with the bride.

M. Wang as Maid-of-Honour

Retail Operations Manager. Classmate from Ngee Ann Poly. Overseeing all details and supervising team of bridesmaids.

S. Cher as Bridesmaid
Boutique owner. Classmate from Ngee Ann Poly. Studied in the UK together with the bride. Responsible for getting bridesmaids' dresses from Bangkok. Reception duties. Emcee for the day.

J. Leong as Bridesmaid
Teacher. Classmate from Ngee Ann Poly. In charge of putting together wedding music, welcoming guests at lobby and entertaining the kids.

H. Wang as Bridesmaid
Works in Human Resources in a UK insurance firm. Originally from Tianjin, went to University with the bride. Reception duties. Mandarin emcee for the day.

Gala Premiere on Sunday 4 October 2009 at The Sentosa Resort & Spa. Ticket holders only.

Day 40: About us

I'm always curious to find out what keeps a couple together.

I think sometimes when you are in a relationship, you get used to the routine and you don't really ask yourself why you are with this man or woman. But I think it's important to reflect on what draws you to the person.

I know a few couples who are together because "He's easy-going and listens to me", "We're just used to it" or "It's been so long" and I think that's not really what marriage is about. You don't get married because you don't ever have disagreements, you get married because you love each other and are in love with each other.

When our relationship was going through a difficult time, my maid-of-honour M sat me down to ask me what I liked about R and I was stumped for a few moments. I couldn't pinpoint what exactly I like about him because I like different things about him.

He has my best interests at heart and makes me eat healthy food and go to the gym. He makes me laugh with his politically incorrect jokes and silly antics. He's not the most tactful but the points he makes do make me think. He waits for me at the train station and carries my bag when I come home from work, even though it's only a 2-minute walk to our house. He makes an effort with my family. He does the dishes after I do the cooking. He helps me with the cleaning even though I know he dislikes it. He gets me food in bed. He opens doors for me and carries all the heavy stuff when we go food shopping. He covers me with a blanket when I'm cold.

But most importantly, he accepts me for who I am. My accent, the way I look, the things I like, the way I am. Even though he doesn't eat meat, he hasn't stopped me from cooking or consuming meat. Even though he is not a Buddhist, he's asked if I'd like an altar in the house.

But of course, nobody is perfect. R has his flaws too. Sometimes he gets very impatient easily and enjoys getting into heated discussions because he is so opinionated. He also procrastinates a lot so I have to keep up with the gentle reminding. When he gets angry and grumpy, nothing will get into his head so I've learnt to talk to him only when he has cooled down.

We have had a challenging journey, full of ups and downs, breaking and patching up, and I have had people asking me, "Is it worth it? Is it worth going through all that trouble just to keep it going? Should relationships require such ridiculous amount of hard work?"

Well put it this way. After 10 years after knowing each other, I am still filled with the excitement of seeing him whenever I step off that train home.

For that reason alone, I think it's worth it.

Day 41: The two women in my life

One looked after me so that the other could go to work and provide for me.

My wedding day will be dedicated to them. The women I'd be so proud and honoured to kneel down and serve tea to.

The women who bathed me, clothed me, fed me and educated me. The women who cooked and cleaned, washed and ironed, all because they love me.

My grandmother looked after me when Mum went to work. If she hadn't, Mum wouldn't have been able to return to her teaching job just three months after having me. Back then, my grandmother lived in a semi-detached house with a nice garden. I grew up playing with the dogs and my cousin, who is four years younger than me. I was a tom-boy who loved to ride bikes, catch spiders, kill fleas, play with He-man and Lego.

My grandmother's favourite recollection of those days would be when she heard a loud scream from me while she was bathing my cousin. She told the toddler to sit in the tub while she came to the backyard to check on me. I had plucked off some chilli off the plant and smeared it all over my eyes. It stung bad and I shouted, "I'm going blind, I'm going blind!" She thought I was an idiot, and gosh she was right. What was I thinking? Not much I guess, if I was only five.

I cried during my first few days at the kindergarten, so my grandmother would come on the school bus with me and peep through the classroom window to make sure I was okay.

When I was six I had a terrible stomach bug which got me hospitalised. I couldn't eat anything and would roll around in pain. When I got out of hospital, my grandmother made me minced pork congee to take to school for lunch everyday. Twenty-two years on, I still remember that comforting taste.

When I didn't finish my rice, she would tell me I'd have a very husband with a lot of acne. So I always finished my rice, and she was right, my husband-to-be does not have pock-marks! Grandma may be illterate but hey she does know a thing or two.

Sadly her health has deteriorated rapidly in recent years. Nobody lives forever and neither will Grandma. It has always been her wish to see me get hitched and I know she will be the happiest person on that day. That's the reason why I'm trying so hard to plan a beautiful event where everyone, including her, will feel excited and happy about.

My mother had a hard life. She always said the two men in her life let her down. My father wasn't exactly the greatest husband in town and the nice man she became very close to after her divorce died suddenly of cancer. Since then she has decided she was better off on her own.

She is the strongest woman I know. She raised me on a civil servant's salary and put me through two degrees at British universities. She was firm with me but she showered me with lots of love too. She leads by example and always has interesting life's lessons to share. I know I can always go to her to advice. Because of that, I have a lot of respect for her.

Our relationship was a little strained during my growing up years but as I grew older she saw me more as an adult and started valuing my opinions and wishes. Although I knew she didn't like the idea of me moving to Wales, she still supported me by saying when she was younger she didn't follow her heart to do the things she wanted to. Now she wants me to go out there to get what I want so that I wouldn't have regrets like she does when I grow old.

My father will not be joining us on this occasion because my Mum would really prefer not to have him there. I feel bad for keeping him in the dark but I really want my Mum to be able to enjoy herself on that day rather than having to put up with the guy who caused her so much pain.

I owe my achievements to these two women who brought me up on the right values and outlook on life.

Join me in honouring them on that day.

Day 42: Been shopping

My Mum sent me a picture of the tea set and bowls she bought today for the tea ceremony. She even took the effort to arrange them nicely before taking the picture. So no prizes for guessing who I've inherited my creative genes from!

The bits and bobs I've been ordering online have also come in the post and I just need to visit a few other shops to pick up some other items. I also need to print off more designs and then I shall embark on my DIY projects.

Today has been good.

Day 43: Miscommunication!

I'm so glad I started this blog. It actually encouraged guests to share their thoughts on being involved and flag up little issues, like for example, how many people are included in one invite.

You see, I always thought invites were for one person. In the UK, if you allow someone to bring their spouse/partner/friend/child etc, you write "Mary Jones + 1". And in Singapore, during the wedding dinners I've been to, I haven't seen friends who bring their other half, so I happily assumed this was the norm.

Wrong!

Two of my married girlfriends wrote to tell me they're planning to bring their kids and spouses, which for a brief moment threw a spanner in the works, because silly me actually totally forgot to factor in spouses and children. Then I really started panicking when I got another email from L who asked if her daughter could join us too.

Panic time!

That's because I only have four tables (excluding the VIP table) and every seat really counts. I have since been frantically contacting everyone to ask if they'll be turning up with their loved ones, because I had so stupidly assumed they wouldn't.

But anyway, thankfully the invitation cards have not been sent out yet so I am able to make adjustments to them, and we are still able to keep the number of guests at 50. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to say no to the rest who would like to have "plus 1"s because I won't be able to accommodate everyone.

Hopefully, it will all work out and the lesson I've learnt today is - don't assume. It makes an ass out of me!

Day 44: No obligations

I received an email from W yesterday. It was so out of the blue. She wrote to me after reading my entries on this blog and shared with me her feelings about her recently ended relationship. She was also honest enough to admit she thought about making excuses to wriggle her way out of attending my wedding, because she just wasn't in the mood to celebrate love.

I appreciate her honesty and her email really touched me. Not in a "aww, so sweet" way, but the fact that she felt comfortable enough with me to be so frank about her feelings. That's what friends are about. Being able to share our thoughts and feelings, even if they may not be happy, positive ones.

I would perfectly understand if any of my guests did not want to attend, for whatever the reason may be. I have quite a number of close friends overseas and I have agonised about whether or not to include them. In the end I left them out because I didn't want them to feel obliged to travel all that way and spend so much money just for this occasion. The last thing I want is to make guests feel obliged.

That's the whole point of having only 50 guests. After subtracting my family and my mother's friends, I am only inviting 20 pals. These are friends (yes they could have once been my colleagues, but are now my friends) who have known me for years that I WANT to invite. Not someone who joined the department last Monday, who I would have to feel obliged to invite and who would have to feel obliged to come, "show face" and give ang pow.

As guests, your feelings matter too. Like I told W, if I had just broken up with my boyfriend, I would be too bitter to want to go to a wedding and see a happy, loving couple. Some of us also, are just not so into weddings, and I don't expect you to pretend you're loving every minute of it. But some of you I can tell, are genuinely excited like me.

We are all different and we all have different inclinations and preferences. I've always liked weddings because I am the sad, soppy sort who believe in true love, and would seize every opportunity to see it in reality. I also like it because it gives me the rare chance to dress up and look pretty. I also like to sample different hotels' food.

But with my hand on my heart, I can definitely say I have never been to a wedding half-heartedly. There was one wedding I went to even though I knew I was going to meet my nemesis, but I still showed up. But there were also weddings I avoided going to because I didn't want to see people who were horrible to me.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, come and join in the celebration if you really feel you want to, and if you value me as a friend, do what W did.

Be honest with me about your feelings.

Day 45: DIY my way

I left work a little earlier this evening to run a few errands. I popped by the printers to pick up the signages I designed. They look pretty good and I am quite pleased with the result. Their charges are quite reasonable too so I think I will get more items printed there because I really like how sleek it looked.

Then I headed to the ribbon stall in the indoor market to get some ribbon I needed for making the table number signs. I arrived at 4:55pm and the were just about to close. Luckily I knew what I wanted and quickly made a decision. I can't help but get distracted at haberdasheries.

Buttons, lace trimmings, ribbons, they are all so pretty but I often can't find many uses for them. But the wedding has presented me with the perfect excuse to buy beautiful ribbons in different textures and colours to create pretty details.

Next, I went to the stationers to get some hard card and spent a good few minutes agonising over pink or grey. Thankfully I made my mind up in time for me to catch the train home.

With all the materials at hand now, I just need to sit down and try to create something that'll at least look presentable and not what resembles a primary school kid's attempt at art.

Wish me luck!

Day 46: Keeping guests entertained

I think weddings are great fun if you know the couple and if you know the people whom you will be seating and eating with.

Sadly I have attended a few where I was dining with people I didn't know and it being a formal sit-down nine-course meal, I had to patiently wait for each dish to arrive, otherwise I would go home hungry.

But sometimes it can't be helped. You've got to place guests with others whom they may not know. I just don't really enjoy sitting there looking at strangers awkwardly for two hours. Sure, I can make small talk and get to know people, but it also depends what kind of strangers you get at your table.

Once, I got into a very heated discussion with one uncle at my table, who lamented loudly about the large number of spinsters in Singapore. The single women at our table just went quiet. "Why?" he asked me. "Why don't girls want to get married?" It was such a a Bridget Jones moment, except I don't think uncle would have understood if I answered, "Actually underneath our clothes, we are covered in scales."

So you can the drift. It can be painful when all you want is to be there to congratulate your pal, who looks absolutely smashing but sadly is too preoccupied to say hi.

We don't have a big enough budget to hire a band, singers, sword swallowers, magicians or jugglers. Both R and I are so bad at dancing we won't even try to embarrass ourselves.

We won't have any "our love story" powerpoint slides either. What do you think this blog is for? It's for guests to get to know us in theory before meeting us in person.

The only entertainment I guess, is us. I want to be in a comfortable dress where I can go around and sit with guests, not just being confined to my VIP table. I want to catch up friends who will be there to celebrate with us, especially M and H who will fly in from Dubai and the UK. We want to talk to people who are interested to find out about Wales and what it's like.

For guests who feel a bit shy about sitting with people they don't know or worried when the conversation dries up, there's always that excuse to head to the buffet table. You don't have to wait to be served. All the food is there for you to pick and choose so you can eat however much or little you like.

There are also little things I'll put together to keep you engaged. There are areas in and out of the dining area you can explore- chase a few peacocks, go for a walk, come back and snap more pictures and eat more food.

There is no official going home time. You know, when all the lights come on after that sticky Orh Nee (sweet yam dessert- often the last course), and guests dash out to make the last train home.

Go home when you need to, or whenever you want to. I won't be standing at the doorway to shake your hand but I can walk you to the lobby and I'll even let let you lie on the bed in my hotel room before you go if you like.

As long as we all have fun.

Day 47: A cute vintage wedding

Ever since I attended a wedding at the Lower Terrace lawn at The Sentosa Resort & Spa some six years ago, I knew that would be the place I'd want to get married at. The area has a small but perfectly manicured lawn with the sea and lush tropical plants as the backdrop.

Most people in Singapore hold their wedding dinners at hotel ballrooms, where guests who may or may not know each other sit down at tables and waited to be served. When the time is right, the couple will then walk into the ballroom when the dramatic music starts, the spotlights shine and the dry ice fogs up. With usually over 200 guests gathered at the occasion, the couple barely has enough time to speak to everyone.

After attending a few dinners, you soon realise they are all pretty well executed in the same format. My girlfriends and I discussed about this. Why aren't Singaporeans interested in doing something different? Don't they want their wedding receptions to be unique? Why do the decor and style always look the same?

I suppose when you have so many guests, what's most important is ensuring that the food is good. And when you have to set aside a bigger budget to ensure the food is of the best quality, you are often left with little money to play around with the decor. Or perhaps, Singaporeans just aren't that fussed about decoration and themes.

By having a small reception, I've realised I am able to customise many details. The idea is to have something fun, something interesting, something cute and pretty, and definitely something different. An event where people can relax and enjoy, rather than feel awkward and out of place.

I draw my inspiration from the US, which has a very well-developed wedding industry, leading the world with its innovative ideas and trends. A typical wedding in the States costs US$50,000 but I have a very small budget.

The materials needed to create the cosy vintage feel I so much desire are hard to come by in Singapore, or even in the UK. I try my best to source items of the closest match to the style I want, and when it is simply too expensive to do so, DIY is my alternative.

With me being so far away from the venue yet still needing to come up with decoration ideas, I have to rely on my imagination quite a lot of the time. That, plus my sketches to help put a rough visual together.

I'm not sure if we'll be able to pull off my big plans but I suppose if all else fails, at least we can still bask in the company of our close friends and family, over bucks' fizz, chatter and a sumptuous spread.

Day 48: Wedding clutch

I was shopping in Cardiff on Saturday afternoon, looking out for a simple yet pretty clutch which I can use to hold my lipstick, safety pins, hair clips, tissues and other necessities on the wedding day.

I didn't want anything expensive so imagine my joy when I saw this lovely bag at 70% off in Accessorize, discounted to £6.60 from £25.

I love the ornate clasp as well!

Day 49: Thank god for bridesmaids!

It is so difficult trying to coordinate a wedding when I’m not physically there.

Some people have asked why I’m getting married in Singapore and not in the UK. The reason is simple- it is cheaper, the food is better but most importantly, it would have been very expensive for my family and friends to fly to the UK for the wedding. And it is important to me that they are able to join us in the celebration because they have seen me grow, walked with me through difficult times in my journey, gave me advice and loved me for who I am.

Unlike many other girls, I never had a romantic surprise marriage proposal nor a massive gleaming rock. R just took me to a jeweller in Orchard Road on the last day of his holiday in Singapore a couple of years ago and I picked out a diamond ring I liked. It didn’t look like an engagement ring and the way we went about buying it certainly didn’t make me feel I was getting engaged, so I always saw it as a token of love.

This happened during a time when we were desperate to make things work. We got into a terrible, terrible fight just months before that and split up for some weeks. But we decided to give it one last shot to see if we could reconcile our differences and make the relationship work. It was hard and it involved many tearful, sleepless nights.

That major argument we had took the relationship to a new level. We sat down to talk how we felt. We talked about our future. We decided to get married, but first, we would try to live together. That was in fact my mother’s idea as well, because she said “You haven’t even spent much time together. How do you know it will be OK?”

In January this year, we booked our wedding venue at The Sentosa Resort & Spa after living together for six months. We both wanted a cosy intimate affair, surrounded by family and friends who know and genuinely care for us. We made it a point not to invite people for the sake of doing so, i.e. acquaintances or friends we haven’t even been in touch with for years.

I’ve been back to Singapore in May and tried to sort out as many details as I could. I ordered the wedding cake, bought the guest book, went shopping with my cousin to get his best man’s outfit, got the invitation cards, designed the layout, booked the make-up artist and wedding photographer, met the florist and got my bridal shoes.

The wedding coordinator from the hotel is the third I have worked with since January. The first was brilliant but she quit. The second didn’t have what it takes to manage a wedding so I complained. And so I am on to my third. She is the department’s director and she is absolutely wonderful. I can finally now sit back and relax.

Because I am away, my bridesmaids are almost entirely running the show for me. My maid-of-honour supervises the others to make sure everything gets done. From compiling the music to collecting the bridesmaids' dresses from Bangkok, preparing invitation cards and posting them to printing of labels for wedding favours.

On some nights I dream about being there with them, working on the DIY stuff, getting everything ready. But there is no need to worry really, I can't be in safer hands.

Day 50: The beginning

Welcome to Fifty Sleeps!

I recently got the inspiration to start an online diary to detail wedding preparations leading up to the big day in just 50 days.

It hasn't been an easy journey, by this I mean preparing for the wedding as well as our years together as a couple.

We began our story on 15 June 1999, the day we met at the British Museum in London. Weeks before that, I was researching online for information in preparation for my week-long holiday to the UK and he was keen to find out more about visiting Southeast Asia. We exchanged a few emails and decided to meet at the Museum.

We spent the next eight years living 7,000 miles apart, only flying to see each other twice or thrice a year, with each trip lasting no more than three weeks at a time. We spoke on the telephone and MSN almost everyday.

In 2007, we decided to make plans for a life together in the UK. So in August 2007, R bought a four-bedroom house in a small town some 25 km west of Cardiff, the capital city of Wales. I quit my teaching job in Singapore in May 2008 and joined him in the UK in July 2008.

We have never lived together nor spent more than 21 days consecutively together. The next 12 months we spent together were challenging as we learnt to adjust to each other's habits and styles. I spent my first few months here looking for a job as well as helping out with home improvements.

Miraculously, despite our vast age gap, years of living apart, differences in culture, religion and upbringing, and not to mention initial family resistance, we actually made it. Sure, we fight but I'd like to believe our shared values and love for each other are the reasons which really keep us together.

Getting hitched is only the beginning. The start of a brand new journey for us. There are plenty of hurdles and challenges in the foreseeable future but strangely, I must say I can't wait for the ride.