Day 40: About us

I'm always curious to find out what keeps a couple together.

I think sometimes when you are in a relationship, you get used to the routine and you don't really ask yourself why you are with this man or woman. But I think it's important to reflect on what draws you to the person.

I know a few couples who are together because "He's easy-going and listens to me", "We're just used to it" or "It's been so long" and I think that's not really what marriage is about. You don't get married because you don't ever have disagreements, you get married because you love each other and are in love with each other.

When our relationship was going through a difficult time, my maid-of-honour M sat me down to ask me what I liked about R and I was stumped for a few moments. I couldn't pinpoint what exactly I like about him because I like different things about him.

He has my best interests at heart and makes me eat healthy food and go to the gym. He makes me laugh with his politically incorrect jokes and silly antics. He's not the most tactful but the points he makes do make me think. He waits for me at the train station and carries my bag when I come home from work, even though it's only a 2-minute walk to our house. He makes an effort with my family. He does the dishes after I do the cooking. He helps me with the cleaning even though I know he dislikes it. He gets me food in bed. He opens doors for me and carries all the heavy stuff when we go food shopping. He covers me with a blanket when I'm cold.

But most importantly, he accepts me for who I am. My accent, the way I look, the things I like, the way I am. Even though he doesn't eat meat, he hasn't stopped me from cooking or consuming meat. Even though he is not a Buddhist, he's asked if I'd like an altar in the house.

But of course, nobody is perfect. R has his flaws too. Sometimes he gets very impatient easily and enjoys getting into heated discussions because he is so opinionated. He also procrastinates a lot so I have to keep up with the gentle reminding. When he gets angry and grumpy, nothing will get into his head so I've learnt to talk to him only when he has cooled down.

We have had a challenging journey, full of ups and downs, breaking and patching up, and I have had people asking me, "Is it worth it? Is it worth going through all that trouble just to keep it going? Should relationships require such ridiculous amount of hard work?"

Well put it this way. After 10 years after knowing each other, I am still filled with the excitement of seeing him whenever I step off that train home.

For that reason alone, I think it's worth it.